singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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