I can feel you judging me through the phone.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
