I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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