Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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