im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
