new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
