Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
