Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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