You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
