One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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