can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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