New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
