Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
