Capitaan dildo arrescate!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize