also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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