is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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