He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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