Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
