Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
