you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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