Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
