At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize