I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
