8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
