Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
