READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
