I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
