in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
