I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
