Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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