Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize