Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
