Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
