TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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