I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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