So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
