first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
