1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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