john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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