Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
