not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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