If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
