I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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