When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
