Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
