I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
