eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
