Umm I'm too high to move.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She bit a glass in half.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
