You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
