You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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