Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize