It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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