if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
