I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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