Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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