This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
