I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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