i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
