Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
