she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
