Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
