I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
