I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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