Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
