I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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