If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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