So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
