Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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