being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
