i don't plan on having that self control this summer
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
