I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
